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 I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)

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Shorty Claudy
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PostSubject: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Wed Nov 26, 2008 6:54 pm

I REMEMBER MR ELLIS BEFORE HE DIED
I REMEMBER HIS DAUGHTER THAT WAS ALWAYS SAD
I REMEMBER WHEN HE BEATED HER AND BROKE HER HAND
I REMEMBER THE DAY SHE RAN AWAY AND I WAS SAD
I REMEMBER THE LAST DAY SHE CALLED MY NAME
I REMEMBER EACH DAY MY HEART WAS IN PAIN
I REMEMBER HOW I CRIED BECAUSE I MISSED HER
I REMEMBER THE DAY I SAT AND STARE
AND I SWEAR I COULD HEAR HER WHISPERING IN MY EAR
I REMEMBER HER CLEARLY BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT
SHE'LL ALWAYS BE MY BEST FRIEND
I REMEMBER EVERYTHING AS IF IT HAD HAPPENED YESTERDAY.
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DANNY
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PostSubject: Re: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Thu Nov 27, 2008 6:13 pm

ok this poem is ok but ,if its not a ballad you need to change the flow or the reader will be moving from his seat but i ike your ego jus getting to the point well done.
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Shorty Claudy
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PostSubject: Re: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Thu Nov 27, 2008 6:14 pm

Thank u Danny
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DANNY
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PostSubject: Re: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Thu Nov 27, 2008 6:15 pm

ye such great writing should not be over looked.
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Gothica
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PostSubject: Re: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Thu Nov 27, 2008 6:32 pm

yes danny but if this peom is straight from the heart and its four years ago she must be pretty young bout 12 or 11 because look how she used the first person right thru ,her writing really says alot.
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Admin_Jr
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PostSubject: Re: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Thu Nov 27, 2008 7:05 pm

oh gothica i kno wha t you mean lke the format of the poem wasnt structured like she knows her from 20 years ago because she gives little detail of the friend but yet stiil she dnt forget how much she ment to her so you could be right thats a childhood friend,jus the aspect thats its her dad she live with and getting disciplined shows there both young thats very good gothica.

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Shorty Claudy
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PostSubject: Re: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Sat Nov 29, 2008 8:05 pm

Thats good Gothica. This synario is real but the names in the poem aren't real. My friend died in a car crash. She was 17 and even though it has been so long, i still remember it because it leaves a imprint on my mind. She was my first best friend during my childhood days.
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Shorty Claudy
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PostSubject: Re: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Sat Nov 29, 2008 8:09 pm

Gothica it shows that you and Danny can analize poem really well because at least you understood scenario. Laughing Keep it up
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kimakura
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PostSubject: Re: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:16 am

I'm liking this poem.
comes straight from z heart.
tis always nice to come in the poetry section
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Shorty Claudy
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PostSubject: Re: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Sun Nov 30, 2008 11:18 am

Very Happy Thanks kim
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DANNY
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PostSubject: Re: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Sun Nov 30, 2008 8:04 pm

no u are understanding gothica wrongly she didnt say the name where real ,she is saying u mus be 15,on how ur subect was structure,you give little detail of your friend,thats why we said this friendship is not a old one like 40 years,we didnt know much about you friend are father cause you gave not that much detail ,you jus understanding us wrong baby girl,thats what gothica ment.lol ,wow gothica you getting good at this lol,and kim thats so correct i like the enthusiasm of the poet.keep it up claudy
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DANNY
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PostSubject: Re: I REMEMBER (based on a true story,4 yr ago)   Sun Nov 30, 2008 8:10 pm

o sorry claudy moderator pls remove tht silly mistake with her ages,i didnt notice she disclosed it sorry again claudy my deepest apologies
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